Today is PT tomorrow is ...

Today is another appointment with PT. I have been seeing a podiatrist for my plantar faciitis. Yea, what fun. The first time that I had had any issues with that was right after chemo. Wow! My feet hurt quite a bit. Over the past year, I have had quite a bit of foot pain and going to the fitness center was really not helping at all. Being on my feet and the treadmill was not all that helpful. So, I had gone to my physiologist (this a doctor, that a doctor, here a doctor doctor) and he had recommended a brace. Oh, I tried that and it was just ridiculous. So, I asked for a referral and there ya go! Podiatry. What a thing. I have orthotics now and am at PT. Because of COVID, I have not been able to get to the fitness center as I would like and work out. Yea, working out at home is not ideal and it just does not happen. So, off to PT. I think the doctor just does not have a great inside view on things. As a cancer patient, I have seen some very interesting doctors--some that need to have their heads examined and others that should have never been allowed to be a doctor. I have had others that work poorly with patients and are best as researchers and teachers. We just get the best of somethings not ok.

So, off to PT today. I have several more weeks of PT and then ready for a new set of docs, I am sure. The clinics are opening up more but our Gov has been hesitant to open up the state all the way because there are "too many cases" of COVID. Amazing! He does not realize that things are going to be this way and it is called infection rate. Things will never be the same, I am afraid. My PCP's office is another that really has been frustrating to me as well.  All my appointments with providers were canceled at the beginning of the year and so getting back to the mainstream of appointments will take some time. This will be nice when things get back to something we recognize. 

I have been working a lot at the new job and a wee bit tired. 

Moving forward. Checking my list. Seeing who is naughty and nice.

So what am I doing now ...

So, what am I doing now? Well, for one, I am not giving up. I have had many additional experiences that have caused me to take a stance--a position of qualified care and promotion of health. One experience that has really changed me was when my Oncologist shared with me that he too was a "survivor". This was completely unexpected and not invited. I had had labs completed a couple of years ago and my regularly scheduled CT. At the most recent appointment, I had been told that a phone appointment from the doctor was important. So, labs and CT were completed, the phone appointment canceled from the doctor and then the events began. I had been emailing the nurse and then one day, she called and said, "please hold for the doctor". Well, I had not expected that and of course, out of respect, you do not hand up on the doctor. One thing that really upset me about that was how does anyone know what I might be doing at that moment? "Please hold for the doctor". That is something I really did not want to hear or expect to hear. So, in the conversation, the doctor used a set of logic that was not founded. He started to comment that the reason why he would like to discuss the labs is because ... then his voice lowered and he stated that "he too was a survivor". Well! I did not expect to hear that. It makes no difference in the professional relationship that the doctor to share his or her own cancer diagnosis. What cancer? I do not know. But, according to the American Cancer Society, the most common cancers with men are colon, lung and prostate. SO, these are the three top picks. Just the same, it is not appropriate to try and create a therapeutic alliance through the premise that one cancer patient can understand another cancer patient. He is the specialist and of course, he knows what the patient is going through. HE IS THE DOCTOR! Yes, I called the clinic and spoke to the clinic manager and asked about how to approach this. So, of course, what did he say? I had to talk to the doctor myself. Oh, great! So, I had to practice how to address this with the provider. Oh, I did not want to have this conversation and this was not something that I was looking forward to. SO, the day came with the provider and I had to address it carefully. And I mean CAREFULLY! I practiced I statements and no "you" statements. The decision to do this was not overnight. From the time that the Doctor decided to tell me this, he had made other comments about how he had experienced treatment. One appointment, I tried talking to him about my leg cramps. He piped up and started to say how he still go those too. I continued to discuss me but changed the subject very quickly. Another time, he was talking about how he had referred to an event that put him to the emergency room, vomiting. I thought that was humorous at the time, but did not realize it was related to he chemotherapy. So, I addressed it. When I had addressed it, I used I statements. "I trust you are taking care of yourself." "I trust that all is well." "I am not privy to your healthcare". "I would appreciate that we not discuss your health". This was met with him throwing his hands up in the air and said, "ok, ok!" So, how is a patient supposed to have confidence in her care provider? Not this patient. Not at all. So, I had decided to not communicate with the office as much. I emailed less and less and then asked for my labs to be done elsewhere. I had gotten the lab request in print, took it to another clinic and stayed informed that way. The Doctor has not responded back to the labs as he did when they were done in his clinic. On my last CT, I had the test done out of clinic. I know that he can see that I am not pleased with the clinic and I really have put up my protest. So, this last appointment, he had offered a six month follow-up. I asked for eight months and he agreed. So, I will see him only once a year instead of multiple times a year. I do not send any email requests unless if it is important. With COVID now, many things have changed and so seeing our providers is done through portals, webcams or over the phone. As far as I am concerned, I would love to never see this man again, but it just is not happening.

I have continued to study to take care of myself. I have continued to post in my Breast Cancer Warriors group and continue to press onward for others as well as myself. Now? I want more. When I was told that I had slipped through the cracks, I said that I wanted to do more to prevent this from happening. I have studied long and hard and continue to press forward with all things. Today? I am studying to take the RNs exam. I want to do more and to make a change in Administration and how providers conduct themselves. Pushing forward with my RN may help me with that.

I want change. Change for my patients and change for myself. I am not excited about the events that have happened in the past years and I want this to be a motivator above all things!

Please continue to be with me while I work on this next saga of how I am caring for myself and others.

Seeking. Pressing. Studying.

Why we continue

I am sorry that I have not been getting to my blogs. There has been quite a bit that has happened over the last three years that I have not been able to get to my blogs.

My last entry left off where my provider had received the assessment regarding my diagnosis of PTSD. From that point, my provider had discharged me from the clinic and I was left to look for a new provider. I was told that doctors do not like being corrected. Well, it is safe to say that patients do not like being maldiagnosed/dysdiagnosed/misdiagnosed. When the provider does not do their due diligence on matters, it can create great harm. I remember the email that I had received regarding this assessment and I was very sure to let the provider know that I was not happy that I was seeing so many specialists. When the provider was wondering why I refused the first refusal to go to a Psychiatrist, I reminded him that it was not my intent to be seen by yet another specialist. When I had shared about my chemo nightmares, he turned, with hands lifted in the air, expressed loudly, "Oh my god, what you need is a psychiatrist!" So, what part of that is welcoming and accepting of a referral? what part of that makes a patient feel they are valued and listened to?

So, I had called my insurance company and told them what had happened. I had gotten another provider with a different healthcare system. This provider was very good. We had discussed the PTSD diagnosis where he commented that there was nothing wrong with being diagnosed with PTSD. I agreed. There is nothing wrong with the diagnosis and it is an ample way to explain behavior. However, this diagnosis also says to other providers the psychiatric need, which may not be amply understood or properly cared for. There is a bias and that bias will be experienced by providers who do not understand or know how to treat. I did express that the diagnosis was in error and that I was not going to be improperly diagnosed for more incomplete care or direction. I have experienced so many disastrous things.

Currently, there are a lot of bad medical appointments that have accumulated to my attitude. I want things to change and I want to be part of the change.

Forgive me for not getting my blog completed these last three years. I am here to keep going.

Moving on. Pressing on. Being more.