What to say

Welcome new month! August! Imagine that!

I have the usual multiple appointments coming up and with the COVID policies, it makes things just a bit exciting. I get to see two of my least favorite of them all. I would love to never see them ever again but that is just not the possibility. What to do?

A lot has been on my mind. I am not looking forward to these appointments, to say the least. I must be very good to keep my feelings and my emotions in line. I have these nagging thoughts and yet there are very few people to share this with for me to move forward with all of these appointments. I have been searching and looking for answers and they are very hard to find. Seems that I know what I want, but getting that is hard. If I had started out this whole journey out with good insurance, I think that I would have been treated much better. A lot of things have happened over the years and I have felt it. If I could just not go to these appointments, it would be great! BUT! that is not smart. I have to look at these appointments as an opportunity for me to learn more and realizing that it is just a short period in time, makes all that much easier for things to move forward.

As I have looked back at my appointments over the years, I have experienced good and bad. The bad is really just that and it is that which makes me feel very hesitant. I want better. I want to be treated with respect and kindness and compassion. I had an appointment with my GI, Dr. KK. After YEARS of having diarrhea that the previous GI, Dr. BK, did not ever address, I had told KK that I was taking psyllium husk for my bowels and I would like to continue it "if you do not mind". What a look on his face when I asked that. He SMILED and was eager for me to continue to take it. BUT, why was it that I had to do this on my own without the direction of my providers? This is the center of it all. Doing my healthcare with insufficient guidance from my providers.

So, I experienced some different breast pain. I had addressed this with my PCP and she referred me to the oncologist once again. Of course--if the oncologist would do their job. So, I had to think about what it was and did some research on bras! Yes, bras. Since I wear sports bras, that may come to an end quickly. The nerves that were severed from my lumpectomy and the scar tissue growing in my breast have made it uncomfortable. So, I have got to get new bras and stop wearing the sports bras. I am looking at purchasing new bras--one at a time. These things are expensive. And it is incredible that these matters are not discussed or addressed. "How is your breast pain" can be a question that can go a long way. It shows compassion and consideration that I am a valuable patient. Too many times I have felt as though I am human detritus and that makes me feel very awkward. I suppose that these "providers" wait for my questions to arise so they can address my concerns. Information offered in the beginning is called patient education. I know that my Naturopath has come to the doctor-patient table as appearing as above me. One appointment he called me "you people" and that has never sat with me well. I have recognized that there is a separate place in this world: the medical them and the medical us. Who is who?

I want to have things change and I am doing my best to have things change. I am studying and I will continue to study and to know things. I want better and for things to be better, I want to be treated better and not made to feel as though I am less than human. I know, historically, this has been the experience for many cancer patients and as times have changed, so has the stigma.

Let us all grow!