Falling down and hitting the ground

I want so much to hit the ground and just stay there and relax and let some things go by. I would love to be able to just relax during the next several weeks and months go. It has been a year since I have been sharing and letting everyone know my inner thoughts. This is very challenging. As I discuss this more and more with others, I can see just how much this has impacted me and they. I have seen so many changes with others, and within myself. I am looking at how these changes have been very positive and how they have made some significant changes. I want these changes to be good and to be able to allow me to move on. I have been through sharing the most sensitive and most intimate things in my life. How many people share these intimacies? I am not sure. So, what I have to start looking to is the journey of how this is going to make the impact for the rest of my life.

I am stuck at times. It is hard. It is hard to be able to share things that I know that are not well received. I run the risk of sharing things that are uncommon or uncomfortable and now, I am dealing with people who may have had enough time behind them that these issues might be forgotten. But, T has been a blessing to me. She understands the journey and the battle. I do have to say that good things are on the way as well. I am looking forward to this.

I am looking forward to not feeling so uncomfortable about things. I always say that. I have come so far. I can be touched more. I still cringe, but I can be touched a lot more. I was thinking of some things lately, and it made me cringe even more. I have been afraid of some things. I have been afraid of getting out and mingling in other groups so people that I am not familiar with. I have to explore more areas and to get out and about to work on my comfort zone. Today, for example, I was able to get into a car wash. I was feeling quite boxed in and started to get a little claustrophobic, but I was able to hang tough and finish the cycle. I do not know if that is what I would be willing to do again, but I know that it was ok and I can do it. It is amazing. Really it is.

Reaching out. Pressing in. Really feeling it.