Venturing once again

So, I have shared more once again. I am experiencing more comfort to some degree about my personal information. But, in many other aspects, my personal information is not to be shared. I have expressed to some this past week and with great trepidation, I am not all that sure that it was wise. But, in order for me to get beyond some things in my heart, I must learn to trust and to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I am looking back at this past year and can see just how much I have come and yet how far I really have to go. I am excited and very nervous at the same time. I am not all that eager for many to know what has gone on and the shame and the guilt are still very close to the surface. I hate the feeling of shame that I get when I address all of this. But, these emotions should not be my enemy. I cannot help but to think that these feelings are like my arch nemesis---moohaaaahaaa! shame is my name and pain is my game! Yea, right!

But, I have shared with PD. I will share more with him on Sunday and let him know some more distinctions. I do not want to share my prayer requests with anyone anymore because of what has happened and so when bad dreams happen, I will share my difficult days with others not at the church. I am so very leary and not willing to really trust at the time. Seems that there are a few steps backwards on this. I have to say that this is not the most warming or welcoming of things.

Yes, this week I did have a horrible dream again. I have not had one of these types of dreams in a long, long time. I had woken up and felt like something was seriously wrong. But, I trudged through. I did pray. But, I did call PM after and let him know that I had had one of those dreams again. It was a difficult thing since I have not had one of those in a very, very long time. I have no idea what triggered it, but it was very unsettling. I do not know who to tell about these dreams and I am not sure that I want to post them. But for certain, I must put them down somewhere. I will pray it through.

Pressing on. Pushing in. Thinking things through.