What part of love

So, things are working and coming along. Things. I always say "things". What are things? I know; this is just another everyday word that people use when they are uncertain or unwilling to describe what is going on. Things--I am challenged again. I am challenged with the concert of emtion that is overwhelming me. I am angry. I am hurt. I am hateful. I am more than just what I would like to be. But in the meantime, I know better and am working diligently to keep a close eye on all of my "things".


My things. I am working on keeping a civil tongue in my mouth. Some people have really pushed the envelope with me and so I would like to take the time to return the favor. But, that would not be ok. I realize that my emotions are tumultous just the same and that I must be aware. When I feel the issue of touching rearing its ugly head, I am very careful about where to position myself. The overwhelming feelings of being encroached upon are not as powerful as they have been in times past; however, they are still there. I am looking intently to keeping my distance and to watch when others approach me. I still have little intent on being touched and encroached upon; I do realize that it is important to be touched. I realize, too, that I have come a long, long way to get to this point. One realization that I have come to this past week has been that I am not to stuff or stiffle my emotions or bury them. That is not the intention of overcoming any issue. I am not supposed to allow it to be unchecked as well. If I know there is an issue, I must address it as quickly as possible. Certainly, I know this. But, in any given person's life, there is an importance of addressing issues and to do that promptly.


"THINGS". They have names. These are those names. Emotions: hatred; anger; anxiety; misapplication; misrepresentation; lying; conjorting; and so much more. What have I done that is making me so involved and so desolate at times? I look at my trust issue again. It is always about trust because love is attached to it. What part of love is there that permits me to trust? What part of love is absent that prevents me from trusting? Is this self-love? Is this love of others that might invite them into my life and heart? Trust is a precious item and for me not a commodaty that I want to share. Trust has been taken from me. When will I be able to trust again? I do not trust when I am in particular settings. I do not trust certain people. I do not trust when I feel violated. Certainly, am I any different from others? But, what part of trust is broken when I have to second guess myself? What part of trust is working in my life that establishes my safety and security? What part of my inner most being am I broken which needs repair to be able to trust? Where is the injury? "THINGS". What are the key components? Disappointment? Am I disappointed in myself for what I feel that I had allow happen to me? These are key components to "things". I think a lot about it all.


I continue to press on. I continue to press in. I continue to go beyond "in the meantime".