Not many understand the importance of working hard. We live in a generation where there are so many people willing to do less for more. That should not be the case. Working hard comes in so many ways and the tasks are so variable. I have no choice but to work. No, it is not a matter of working through the restful times; rather, it is designed to always be aware that I have shortcomings that might be important to address. Just the same, there are times where rest supercedes the shortcomings. Yes, it seems that I have more than my cohort. But, these shortcomings can be strengths at times. I have a willing heart to address what needs to be addressed. I will address these things. These things can define me; however, I choose not for them to define me. I choose the definition and am willing to develop my strong hands more.
This past week, I have felt more comfortble in my skin than I have been in a very long time. I am finding that my silence is more reflective than anything else. I do not feel myself wanting to retreat; rather, I find that retreat is more peaceful. I am glad that I have found some peace in the meantime. This peace shows me that I have come a long way and have seen some awesome changes from the things that have warred inside of me. The storm is not as menacing; it may still loom in certain times. I am aware and do know that the storms will not go away. Some storms of my emotions are there to show me that I am on the right track. It is ok to have a balance of emotion that will not take me under. I am getting stronger and I can handle the ugly now. Well, at least a lot better than I had had in a long time. I am no longer stuffing things deep and within; I am allowing these things to surface and to allow myself to be cleansed. Could I say this a year ago? No. I could not. I had a difficult time approaching the threshold of all of this within. I was afraid to look inside the door and all of the mess that was within me. Now, I can easily walk around and know that when I have to address one of my own deep and darkest troubles, I can be reassured that the light that is within this room is not far from my reach. It really is the LORD's presence within me saying that I am not alone. Even more so, I can look around and have the confidence that the confidence that I carry is not my own but HIS. I am not alone and I know that I have HIS Eternal company. I know that when I open up the "garbage bags", the "boxes" of stored things, I know that the LORD has seen every single one of them and knows how I have inventoried every single one. And! Despite me, I can still look in there and see that much has been accomplished and more will be accomplished. I know that I have a willing heart and my fear is not just mine to carry. No where in Scripture does it say that we are not to be afraid alone. We are to take everything to HIM--fear, anger, hatred, spite, every foul emotion and bring it to HIM. Then it is HE who says that we are to walk through it together. And little by little, things are changed and what was lacking is made complete. I feel more complete these days; but I dare not say that I am completely whole. There is yet more to come and yet have come so far. I am excited about what is to come; I know that I am not alone and that I am all that much more watched and guarded. Yes, I do realize that more is to come. I pray that I am never victimized again. I pray that while I am working on my own wellness, that this peace stays with me forever. It feels good; looks good; smells good; is good.
Strengthening on. Building on. Willing on.
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