Well, a couple days ago, I got the note from my assessment and it was copied and given to my doc. It has been copied and scanned into the system. So, now, what to expect from Dr. Primary? I checked the system and my Dx is still there. I will take some opportunity to think about how I will be addressing this with him. Honestly, I am battling within myself about leaving his practice and looking for another primary. What will I get if I go to another PCP? This is a great worry that I have. But, staying with this doctor worries me just the same.
So, what is this appointment going to look like when I see Dr. PCP? There will be some discussion, of course. Will he be on the defensive? Will he be agreeable? Will he ask questions? How will I prepare for this? Do I trust him anymore? Certainly, I am worried about this and I need to keep discussing this to see how this is going to work and progress.
We shall see how things go. I don't know what to expect and I need to really be in prayer about this.
Seeking. Believing. Praying.
Friday, March 10, 2017
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Remembering what I remember
I have to say that this is the first time that I have decided to look him up online. I looked on Facebook and I found him. I remember my Pastor telling me that someone called the church to say that he had died. According to my Pastor, this anonymous caller sounded much like him. Mr. D.L.A is still alive and he has a Facebook page. No, I would not send a friend request. No, I will not make any attempt to contact him. Looking at his picture is enough because I want to know what he looks like now, nearly 23 years later and to know what he looks like today.
This makes things very interesting. I am not exactly sure how I feel but I do know that looking at him is not as menacing as I thought that it would be. I am very frustrated but not to the point of breaking down. I feel odd, but not sure exactly how to explain it. This person changed my life forever and I don't want this to be over my head.
I will see how I sleep.
Looking. Seeking. Thinking.
This makes things very interesting. I am not exactly sure how I feel but I do know that looking at him is not as menacing as I thought that it would be. I am very frustrated but not to the point of breaking down. I feel odd, but not sure exactly how to explain it. This person changed my life forever and I don't want this to be over my head.
I will see how I sleep.
Looking. Seeking. Thinking.
Friday, March 3, 2017
I dreamed a dream
Well, it has happened again. I dreamed a dream that is one of my stress-dreams. I do not usually have those types of dreams, but when I do, I know what they are and why I had it. Stress? Yes, I have a huge amount of stress on me right now and I am looking forward to getting this stress reduced as much as possible.
So, what is going on that I have a lot of stress? I am so glad that you asked me about that. I have had these types of dreams since I can remember. But, they are as far and few in between. The stress that I have been experiencing is on many fronts. First of all, I have so many medical appointments. And, of course, with these appointments, you must be very careful about how you conduct yourself. Always, that is a concern. We do not get to mistreat the medical people who are willing to accept us to care over us. Too, they are not just there for abusive treatment; they are there to guide us through. But, what happens when they lose that mission statement? I have a very interesting problem with Dr. Primary. From the very beginning, he has been very demonstrative with his behavior. He is not afraid to openly express how he feels and will laugh at inappropriate times. When I had told him about these stress dreams, he laughed. Oh, sure. That is welcoming. I know when I have had enough of things and when they seem to be very burdensome, I have these dreams. So, I shared it with him. That is not ok to laugh at the patient unless the patient is laughing as well. I was not and so, I do not want to be laughed at.
Secondly, I have been trying to fight this PTSD diagnosis in my file. So, I had referred myself to a Psych eval; I did not want to ever do this and so, I had to do the only right thing. So, I took the assessment and inventory, and of course, no PTSD. NO borderline personality disorder. I am fit as a bass fiddle. So, after a month of fighting to get the results of this, I have been told that this is on the way. I have been wanting to fight this Dx so that it can be removed from my file. Too, that when it is time to go to another provider, I will have that in my records as well. Even if Dr. Primary does not change it, the record will show an assessment/evaluation and the appropriate Dx. Waiting on this document has been bothering me very much. More than I would like to say.
Thirdly, I have been having longstanding problems with my ears. I have been in a lot of pain and the pain has been through the roof. The last time that this happened was when I was initially given the hearing aids (HAs). I wore them for about three weeks and then the pain was so intense, that I could not wear them any longer. So, I took them out and from there, did not wear them for nearly four months. I am at that point again. I cannot wear the HAs because the pain is that intense. I went to urgent care because of the pain and was given new Rx for the ear infections. Counting the left ear as well, I have had 6 ear infections. Why am I having so many? We do not know. Mr. Dr. ENT has told me that he believes that I have been misdiagnosed every time. So, that means what? When I see him next week, we will get down to business. Too, I have asked for an evaluation of the HAs from the tech who helped fit them for me. I have been wanting to know if the molds/domes have been a contaminant for recurring ear infections. I have been treated for bacterial and fungal infections. So, why wouldn't it be natural to assume that the molds/domes might have a problem? We shall see. No one seems to think that there is a problem. Dr. Primary told me that hearing loss is not painful. Well, I beg to differ. I have been told that HAs do not cause ear infections. Well, the device itself may not, but the molds/domes may very well be causing the trouble.
Too, I have several procedures coming up that I am not thrilled about. I have a colonscopy, another nuclear test for Dx of gastroparesis. How fun! I have my next CT coming this month and this has been on my mind immensely. My labs are fine and they have been. But, no matter how many of these I have, I will always have to worry about the outcomes if they are not good. What is really bothersome is that we patients are not supposed to have any qualms about the procedures. They are a procedure and if we display any difficulties, or that we are not willing to have the procedure done, then there "must be a problem". We simply cannot just experience overkill with the amount of exposure to all the doctors. So, as it stands, I see Dr. Primary, Urology, Oncology, Naturopathy, Mental Health, Gastroenterology, Endocrinology, Cardiology, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Orthopedist, ENT, and Audiology. Cardiology is on a as needed basis. I had a stress test done and passed with flying colors. That is 14 different providers with 14 different appointments with 14 different potential tests and the like. Sure, Massage Therapy and Acupuncture do not do tests. They are for my overall health and elective.
There are a lot of demands. But, the most part, this pain I am not trying to get used to.
And then work. How do I look for new work and stay on top of these things? I need to relax and I need to be able to calm down and breathe!
Resting. Relaxing. Dreaming.
So, what is going on that I have a lot of stress? I am so glad that you asked me about that. I have had these types of dreams since I can remember. But, they are as far and few in between. The stress that I have been experiencing is on many fronts. First of all, I have so many medical appointments. And, of course, with these appointments, you must be very careful about how you conduct yourself. Always, that is a concern. We do not get to mistreat the medical people who are willing to accept us to care over us. Too, they are not just there for abusive treatment; they are there to guide us through. But, what happens when they lose that mission statement? I have a very interesting problem with Dr. Primary. From the very beginning, he has been very demonstrative with his behavior. He is not afraid to openly express how he feels and will laugh at inappropriate times. When I had told him about these stress dreams, he laughed. Oh, sure. That is welcoming. I know when I have had enough of things and when they seem to be very burdensome, I have these dreams. So, I shared it with him. That is not ok to laugh at the patient unless the patient is laughing as well. I was not and so, I do not want to be laughed at.
Secondly, I have been trying to fight this PTSD diagnosis in my file. So, I had referred myself to a Psych eval; I did not want to ever do this and so, I had to do the only right thing. So, I took the assessment and inventory, and of course, no PTSD. NO borderline personality disorder. I am fit as a bass fiddle. So, after a month of fighting to get the results of this, I have been told that this is on the way. I have been wanting to fight this Dx so that it can be removed from my file. Too, that when it is time to go to another provider, I will have that in my records as well. Even if Dr. Primary does not change it, the record will show an assessment/evaluation and the appropriate Dx. Waiting on this document has been bothering me very much. More than I would like to say.
Thirdly, I have been having longstanding problems with my ears. I have been in a lot of pain and the pain has been through the roof. The last time that this happened was when I was initially given the hearing aids (HAs). I wore them for about three weeks and then the pain was so intense, that I could not wear them any longer. So, I took them out and from there, did not wear them for nearly four months. I am at that point again. I cannot wear the HAs because the pain is that intense. I went to urgent care because of the pain and was given new Rx for the ear infections. Counting the left ear as well, I have had 6 ear infections. Why am I having so many? We do not know. Mr. Dr. ENT has told me that he believes that I have been misdiagnosed every time. So, that means what? When I see him next week, we will get down to business. Too, I have asked for an evaluation of the HAs from the tech who helped fit them for me. I have been wanting to know if the molds/domes have been a contaminant for recurring ear infections. I have been treated for bacterial and fungal infections. So, why wouldn't it be natural to assume that the molds/domes might have a problem? We shall see. No one seems to think that there is a problem. Dr. Primary told me that hearing loss is not painful. Well, I beg to differ. I have been told that HAs do not cause ear infections. Well, the device itself may not, but the molds/domes may very well be causing the trouble.
Too, I have several procedures coming up that I am not thrilled about. I have a colonscopy, another nuclear test for Dx of gastroparesis. How fun! I have my next CT coming this month and this has been on my mind immensely. My labs are fine and they have been. But, no matter how many of these I have, I will always have to worry about the outcomes if they are not good. What is really bothersome is that we patients are not supposed to have any qualms about the procedures. They are a procedure and if we display any difficulties, or that we are not willing to have the procedure done, then there "must be a problem". We simply cannot just experience overkill with the amount of exposure to all the doctors. So, as it stands, I see Dr. Primary, Urology, Oncology, Naturopathy, Mental Health, Gastroenterology, Endocrinology, Cardiology, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Orthopedist, ENT, and Audiology. Cardiology is on a as needed basis. I had a stress test done and passed with flying colors. That is 14 different providers with 14 different appointments with 14 different potential tests and the like. Sure, Massage Therapy and Acupuncture do not do tests. They are for my overall health and elective.
There are a lot of demands. But, the most part, this pain I am not trying to get used to.
And then work. How do I look for new work and stay on top of these things? I need to relax and I need to be able to calm down and breathe!
Resting. Relaxing. Dreaming.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)