I dreamed a dream

Well, it has happened again. I dreamed a dream that is one of my stress-dreams. I do not usually have those types of dreams, but when I do, I know what they are and why I had it. Stress? Yes, I have a huge amount of stress on me right now and I am looking forward to getting this stress reduced as much as possible.

So, what is going on that I have a lot of stress? I am so glad that you asked me about that. I have had these types of dreams since I can remember. But, they are as far and few in between. The stress that I have been experiencing is on many fronts. First of all, I have so many medical appointments. And, of course, with these appointments, you must be very careful about how you conduct yourself. Always, that is a concern. We do not get to mistreat the medical people who are willing to accept us to care over us. Too, they are not just there for abusive treatment; they are there to guide us through. But, what happens when they lose that mission statement? I have a very interesting problem with Dr. Primary. From the very beginning, he has been very demonstrative with his behavior. He is not afraid to openly express how he feels and will laugh at inappropriate times. When I had told him about these stress dreams, he laughed. Oh, sure. That is welcoming. I know when I have had enough of things and when they seem to be very burdensome, I have these dreams. So, I shared it with him. That is not ok to laugh at the patient unless the patient is laughing as well. I was not and so, I do not want to be laughed at.

Secondly, I have been trying to fight this PTSD diagnosis in my file. So, I had referred myself to a Psych eval; I did not want to ever do this and so, I had to do the only right thing. So, I took the assessment and inventory, and of course, no PTSD. NO borderline personality disorder. I am fit as a bass fiddle. So, after a month of fighting to get the results of this, I have been told that this is on the way. I have been wanting to fight this Dx so that it can be removed from my file. Too, that when it is time to go to another provider, I will have that in my records as well. Even if Dr. Primary does not change it, the record will show an assessment/evaluation and the appropriate Dx. Waiting on this document has been bothering me very much. More than I would like to say.

Thirdly, I have been having longstanding problems with my ears. I have been in a lot of pain and the pain has been through the roof. The last time that this happened was when I was initially given the hearing aids (HAs). I wore them for about three weeks and then the pain was so intense, that I could not wear them any longer. So, I took them out and from there, did not wear them for nearly four months. I am at that point again. I cannot wear the HAs because the pain is that intense. I went to urgent care because of the pain and was given new Rx for the ear infections. Counting the left ear as well, I have had 6 ear infections. Why am I having so many? We do not know. Mr. Dr. ENT has told me that he believes that I have been misdiagnosed every time. So, that means what? When I see him next week, we will get down to business. Too, I have asked for an evaluation of the HAs from the tech who helped fit them for me. I have been wanting to know if the molds/domes have been a contaminant for recurring ear infections. I have been treated for bacterial and fungal infections. So, why wouldn't it be natural to assume that the molds/domes might have a problem? We shall see. No one seems to think that there is a problem. Dr. Primary told me that hearing loss is not painful. Well, I beg to differ. I have been told that HAs do not cause ear infections. Well, the device itself may not, but the molds/domes may very well be causing the trouble.

Too, I have several procedures coming up that I am not thrilled about. I have a colonscopy, another nuclear test for Dx of gastroparesis. How fun! I have my next CT coming this month and this has been on my mind immensely. My labs are fine and they have been. But, no matter how many of these I have, I will always have to worry about the outcomes if they are not good. What is really bothersome is that we patients are not supposed to have any qualms about the procedures. They are a procedure and if we display any difficulties, or that we are not willing to have the procedure done, then there "must be a problem". We simply cannot just experience overkill with the amount of exposure to all the doctors. So, as it stands, I see Dr. Primary, Urology, Oncology, Naturopathy, Mental Health, Gastroenterology, Endocrinology, Cardiology, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Orthopedist, ENT, and Audiology. Cardiology is on a as needed basis. I had a stress test done and passed with flying colors. That is 14 different providers with 14 different appointments with 14 different potential tests and the like. Sure, Massage Therapy and Acupuncture do not do tests. They are for my overall health and elective.

There are a lot of demands. But, the most part, this pain I am not trying to get used to.
And then work. How do I look for new work and stay on top of these things? I need to relax and I need to be able to calm down and breathe!

Resting. Relaxing. Dreaming.