Always remembering. Ok. That is quite ok. What I am excited about is moving past the remembering parts and to look toward another aspect of the journey. Yesterday, I spoke with someone whose memories are far more wrenching than mine. I know another person whose memories are just the same. There are too many people out there whose lives have been changed by sexual violence. Even more so, the cost that comes is quite crippling. There are few that press charges and there are few that care to discuss it. I can see just how much the stain of it all can last a lifetime. It really should not. Although the memories that I keep are less intimidating, I can see just how much it is very much so intimidating to others who are victims of the same montrous act. This should be. The day that sexual violence--all persons can be victims of sexual violence--is no more is a day when the LORD returns. There is no excuse for this type of violence; it creates so much harm and unleashes so much evil.
I know I have discussed it very much. What is there that has been unleashed? Well, I can certainly say that I am a little more open and vocal about things. My emotions have been rocky, for certain. But then again, that is menopause as well. Hot flashes galore!!! But, too, the emotions of what has been opened in me are there and I must recognize them and address them accordingly. Accordingly. What excuse do I have? I am adult who knows how to put myself through my own assessment. I must be able to work the situation out and to look for whatever behavior that may be offensive, grab it by the horns and then go from there. It is my responsibility to get that completed. It is my responsibility to examine myself and to find areas that could improve. I must improve them. How could I not?
Last Sunday was one of those days. I have been experiencing a lot of long days with my kiddo and have not been wanting to be bothered. I have noticed that I will be more aloof from others and to keep myself at a distance because of the issues that I must address. Just the same, V decided to come and talk with me and to give me a hug. Well, I certainly did not care to be encroached upon and decided to just step back. Amazing that some do not understand what is going on and continue to persue the issue. I ended up walking out to the parking lot and just wanted to get a breather and V continued with me. I know that I have been very difficult this past year and things are very challenging at times. I wish that others would just recognize matters as they are--tired, cranky, and other things. If I am moving around quickly, then that means that I am not able to sit comfortably. I am wrestling with things. But, needing to wear a bulletin? Ah, I know--sarcasm. I will be careful.
I am working on many things. I think about things a lot and seek an opportunity to be able to rest and relax. This year, I hope very much to be able to get that time to relax and put my feet up. I am looking forward to some outdoor time and getting some great pictures. This would be great for my webpages and blogs.
Pushing on. Pressing in. Hunting on.
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