How we move forward

Well, a full day after the communication with the Director of Quality Control of Clinic operations, I have had. She spoke with the two clinic administrators and she has wondered if I would be willing to have a three party meeting from the clinic. I said no. There has been opportunity for many months for this to happen and it has not brought up except for now. This is not good for me. If they were serious about the manner in which my care was conducted, they would be concerned. But, because I did speak up, and pressed with many players in the clinic, there was conversation. I had tried to take it in-house with little response except for "sounds like you are unhappy at the clinic". This was a red-herring about what needs to be done within the clinic and I am aware of that. They have been put on notice that there are others that are aware of their behavior--all three including Doctor. So, next? Do I contact the State of Washington or the Board of Oncologists? 

So, what next? I have been referred to another oncology clinic. I am not pleased with this clinic that I am being referred to and do not want to go. I would simply prefer not to go. But, with all that is going on? If something were to happen to me and I need to go back to State insurance, that clinic will not accept me. So, I would rather not take the risk. In 2010 when I was diagnosed, they did not want to take me. So, what has changed? 

I am determined and I will continue to study as I have told her that I would. I was told, at work, to lower my expectations of others. So, I told this person just that. I was told that I needed to lower my expectations. So, I will lower my expectations of my medical team and not expect them to do anything. Is that right? Well, they do not do anything to begin with so it makes no difference. I will continue as I have done but with a great expectation of what I need to do regardless of others. I will continue. 

The battle of the ... courageous

 Yesterday, I had the most important conversation with one of the managers of the clinic. She told me that both the two of the administrators of the clinic are "colleagues" of hers and she wanted to know if I was expecting a phone call from either one ... absolutely not. I have already voiced my concerns and they are not being taken seriously regarding my request to move providers. It has been quite the battle here of late to request anything and to expect my request to be taken seriously. For years, I have been doing this all on my own. I had not taken any consideration what being a cancer patient would entail. From the time that my first oncologist dropped me, I had not idea what taking care of myself would be. I had nothing to base it upon; but, I am an astute learner. I had no idea what was waiting for me and the battle that I would have to engage in for me to understand what taking care of myself would mean. 

Yesterday, I explained the story of what I have been experiencing and for what I would be enduring for the name sake of what the Doctor would not be doing. Since July of 2019, I have been reading and studying about my labs. But, from 2014 when I was told that I had slipped through the cracks, I have been studying and researching on my own. I have had to review my A&P and to be better at understanding what I have been enduring. I have had to study what may some day kill me and to be quite determined to push through the burden of emotion that I have had to wage through. Too, not having anyone to discuss matters with has been even more -- angering and upsetting for doing this by myself. Because of that, I am a Breast Cancer Navigator through what I do online and I am very proud of that myself. I am pushing and working to do more. I have had to explain to myself about what I am going through, my emotional burden and my own emotional regulation. At work, I do not tell anyone about my cancer journey. And from this point, I am determined not to explain anything to my medical oncology team about what I am going through. This includes my Naturopath. My history with these two providers is not good and I will do my best to keep everything quiet just as I do at work. I will do my best and to ensure that I do not reveal anything. While this is everything that I work against, I must continue without waiver. I must do as I must. 

I have still yet to hear back regarding the response to move providers. If I cannot move providers, I will remain quiet and will manage my own. I will request to have my labs and letrozole as normal. For anything else? I will remain silent. This is not defeat but just my strategy. I am looking forward to wellness and strength and at times, we need to be willing to approach in silent retreat. 

I am strong. I am willing to be more determined and am willing to stand upon what I need to in order to  be. 

Thoughts upon thoughts

 Ten years ago, I walked into the oncology clinic as a self-referral for breast cancer. I had no idea what I would be engaging in and what would be expected for me in all of this. I had no idea what the future would bring, who would bring it and what would be left behind. Now, 10 years, four months later, I have had a battle that no one should ever have to be part of. Three oncologist later, two surgeries, six rounds of chemotherapy, 33 rounds of radiation, metastatic breast cancer later, a naturopath, breast cancer navigator and hundreds of pills later, I am here to day to say that things could have gone much better. 

This week, I called the CMO's office to file a complaint and request for some assistance. When I spoke to the exec secretary, I called to say that I wanted to change oncologists and listed the reasons why. She said that she took down five pages of notes and that she would contact the CMO responsible for that clinic. Here we go. I placed in summary that I have been subject to neglect and from that point, I want things changed. So, will this go anywhere? Will I be taken seriously? I was told that I would get a call on Friday (end of the week) and this is Saturday. I told her that even if she called at the beginning of the week, that would be great and welcomed. 

What can I expect from this conversation? Will it be good to return back to the clinic? I wonder. It has me a  bit concerned. 

Important things

 Yesterday morning, I made a call that will be life changing. I had contacted the Chief Medical Officer's (CMO) office for the Regional Cancer System. I have used both avenues and have exhausted my options and now I have called their office to file a complaint, ask for a new provider or be discharged from the clinic. I was able to express my deepest concerns and yes! used the most difficult words of all--neglect. 

For the last couple of years, since Doctor told me that he was a survivor, I have had a very strange relationship with him. The Doctor-Patient encounter is supposed to be sacrosanct. Why isn't it? Why is it that it is an opportunity must arise that the relationship is "less than"? I am less than and I understand that. My station in life will be lesser than the provider's and from there, to be treated differently; however, never with disdain. I want people to know that we are not to be treated as less than and despite what education we may not have, we are to be treated with respect, dignity and honor. If that cannot happen, then these persons need to be removed from their ivory tower and allow things to change. 

Since my rediagnosis in 2014, I have been pushing for more education. I have looked in ever nook and cranny for it. When I was told that I had "slipped through the cracks", it changed me and I would like to say for the better. I have read all sorts of magazines, journal articles, now books and text books so that I can learn. This phone call yesterday morning changed things in me. I want to advocate more for others who have no idea what to expect and to promote health. I have walked in the position of a Breast Cancer Navigator and I push to help others in their walk. I want more. I want different. I want health.