Adding to the mix

I know that things are to be much different after this walk with cancer, but I have to say that I know more and more that I am having issues with claustrophobia. While I can handle rooms and spaces, there are some areas that I must stay away from altogether. But, today I had an MRI scheduled and the things were just horrible. I had forgotten my valium and had to reschedule things. I did express to PM that this fear that I have will be addressed. I did express to him as well that I wanted him to look at me differently. I hate it when I am looked at in a strange way. This is not my imagination. I am able to handle many things, but the looks that I get from him are just a little off. I would like to be looked at differently. I want to be looked at not as a "client" but rather another person just having a difficult time. These looks that I have gotten from him are just so annoying. I hope that a day will come when he looks at me with more than just pity. No, I do not see loathe but just pity. I do not want pity. I want to be respected and just guided through all of this. He must learn or he will not be a good leader. I am looking forward to him being a leader and not just someone watching what is going on.

I want more than just what I am getting now. I want to be able to just get around and to be more successful than what I am now. I am fighting. I am winning. I am more than an conqueror and more than just a survivor. I am alive!!!

Pushing. Pressing. Hunting.