Things that are really bothering me

I know that I have said on many occasions that things are bothering me. Well, some things persist. I realize that my ability to be touched is changing and I am glad of that. It is still there though. It is deep down and there are times that I just do not want to try; but, I do. Then, I try to put it out of my head. But PM. This is still a large issue. I have been wanting to have a conversation and to share some things that I would love to get past. I know that it would be healing for me. But, I am very must so scared. How do I say such things and manage to keep my head to myself?

So, the added issues of the building is bothering me. A wall has been put up in the building and it is very confusing to me. The changes are different. I do not like the wall and find it to be very challenging to my feeling of space. But, in the same regard, the wall was done very well. So, I am looking at why my feelings are the way they are. Why do I not like the wall? I hate the wall being there. I hate what the wall represents to me. It is a hindrance and represents being boxed in. Sure the sound system is much better and things actually look more like a sanctuary of sorts. But, I have to sit outside in the back area to survive. This represents to me "I can't". Strange to say. It feels like I cannot be free. It feels like I cannot be able to move around like I want to. It makes me feel as though I cannot feel uninhibited. This makes me feel boxed in and it prevents me from escaping. With this wall, it seems that I have to go through more to get out. I have this overwhelming feeling that I cannot get out; much like a maze. I hate mazes.

I am looking forward to some better days. Looking back, I can see just how far I have come. I can say, I am not afraid to express myself anymore. I am not worried about what others may feel or think. I have seen some very difficult days and I have felt very awkward in the sight of others. But, I am not willing to share a whole lot with others. I must be careful about what I show, express and reveal. I remember very well the feelings of being left in "outer Mongolia" and without any ways of feeling rescued. I am very thankful for PM. Extremely. I can honestly say that I feel very at ease about some things. Others? Well, not so sure. I really want to share, but I do not know how to express without causing any damage.

I will try very soon.

Placing. Pushing. Pronouncing.