There is without the shadow of a doubt that I have things that I need to talk about. But, when I talk about them to others, it is frustrating to really hear all about the truth of it all. So, now, things are more constrained and I am left wondering what is next. Seems that my anger has gotten the best of me this week. Now, there is someone who is very upset and has indicated so. Not my intentions. But, I have been taking my discussions to PJ. Seems that the discussions are being slightly threatening. I knew that it would not go well, but I was told a long time ago that the "counseling" was done and that PM had already pushed it with the LORD. I do not agree with it, but I will respect it. I know that I will get the answers that I need from PJ. Not PM's PJ, but BHW PJ. I know that the answers will come as well when I push in to find them.
One thing that I have always known is that the way that anger has been with me. I look forward to understanding what I can do to identify it and then to be able to keep my mouth shut and my heart worked on. I look forward not only to be able to work that lock of my heart, but to get rid of it. I know that the healing is coming and I have seen so much of it already. But, there is still just so much that I am getting to the core of. I know that what will be uncovered and discovered will be quite the experience. I know that I am being watched over by my LORD and that what comes from it will be both exciting and scarey. I am not especially looking forward to it; however, it is necessary. I must find a safe place and work it through. I may ask PJ to pray with me regarding the issues of anger. I am looking forward to facing my fears and my anger. I want to look to the origins and I want to look where the LORD wants me to look.
I will be looking and it will be a good thing. I have been at the threshold for some time and now being in the room, I am bumping into things. I know that as I discover what makes me angry, I will be better able to understand my fellowship with others. But, in the meantime, I will be keeping a distance from others and that will be necessary. I will be keeping things going on over at BHW more. I will be working harder to maintain my fellowship in Tacoma and to keep those at bay at HLCC. I am looking forward to going to Tacoma and staying the entire day with the girl. She has been needing that time. I will be scheduling some quiet time and hopefully being able to just have an entire day at the pool or just whatever. I want some quiet time for myself as well so that I might be able to meditate on the WORD more.
Pressing in. Pushing on. Moving around more.
No comments:
Post a Comment