Today was a day that I was expecting to be rather emotional; however, it was not. I was told by T that I looked much better than what I have been. I have to say, not having the monkey on my back about chemo and radiation is nice. So much has been removed from me and it is nice that things are easing. When I had gotten home from work, I was eager to head to church. I look forward to church more and more. Despite it all, it is awesome. Yes, I know there are so many areas of being trapped or touched or just being encroached upon. I am working diligently on trying to just be careful and knowing my surroundings. I do not care to be sitting too close to some.
I was very happy that PD was able to read the material that I had left with PM. It was nice to see that someone understood what I have been experiencing. Rape Trauma Syndrome/PTSD associated with the trauma is what I have been experiencing. My anxiety is higher these days and working through the anxiety is a chore that will be here for some time until the LORD sees it completely gone. I know that it will happen; in the meantime, I know that I am much more safer and that is more comforting now than ever. I am encouraged that I am understood and the pressure to move beyond is not as heavy. The LORD is guiding me in all of this and from that point, I am comforted to know that no matter if I am at the church or not, I am not going to be mocked, scoffed or harrassed for the difficulties that I have been experiencing. They are very real to me and that is the biggest hurdle.
I am eager for more time to go by. I want this to be further and further behind me. I feel a little more confident that my wishes are being respected; even more so, that I am being more understood. I have hated that I have not been understood the way that I know that I could be. I will continue to blog my thoughts. They are so much better for the time being.
Pushing on. Pressing on. Believing on.
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