It has been several days since I have spoken about these ugly things. Now that this has been posted, the whole prospect of someone close to me knowing more about me is very scary. The prospect of this level of engagement leaves me feeling very vulnerable. However, this is very important. I feel a safety and security about this; however, face-to-face engagement is going to be very interesting. I have not tested the waters about face-to-face engagement. I understand that I should not feel anything less than being accepted and comforted. But this overwhelming feeling of being judged vexes me. Random feelings have been popping up and I need to make some type of effort to assort them--what are these and why should I feel this way?
I do not want to misinterpret. I feel that I am. I am usually very good about understanding situations and reading them. But this has my mind busy. I do not like having my mind busy from this. It is quite irritating at times.
I am wondering about acceptance. Silly to think but that is ok. These emotions have been rocky. I have to understand that emotions cannot always be trusted.
I know this will be better.
Pressing on. Pushing on. Believing on.
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