This last couple of days have been very confusing for me. While I have shared my seemingly life story, I feel very exposed. What do I say, how do I feel. Where to turn. One thing about sharing is the feelings that are left behind that are full of turmoil. This is where the work begins. I am very tired and I would like some things to be done with; however, for the work to be done, there has to be some effort put forth.
Emotions. I am very angry. I am expressing these emotions to anyone that really wants to know; but, I have shared with many. I am sharing this online. I am allowing myself to be examined by others and that scares me. These emotions are not serving me very well. Or, perhaps they are. They are emotions and they are coming to the surface. Now, I am wondering about other dynamics surrounding a free share. This is difficult.
Memories. What I remember is bringing sour "things" to mind. This I have carried with me for a while. I have been judged many times for the events of my life and I am taking extreme caution to share and to be allowed to be criticized. I feel the adage--damned if you do; damned if you don't. These memories have created so much in me that I do not completely understand; however, I am on the journey to do so.
I have been feeling like closing doors again. I have been feeling as though I am not being understood; but I know that these are simply emotions that are not serving me well. I want to close my eyes and have all of this go away. But, it will not. I am working hard. Now, I want to just have everything quiet and not challenge me.
Pushing on. Pressing on. Challenging on.
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