I am concerned that now as night draws, how will I sleep. I have communicated once again about my feelings and I am left with incredible doubt about what to do next. While I am preparing for the week, I am looking forward to the weekend. I have another appointment with Chemo this week and wondering how things are going to be after this treatment. I am also concerned about how this upcoming weekend will be with church.
Why am I allowing myself to undergo this when it appears to be very painful and stressful on me? Because it is necessary. I am very scared at the options that I have and to just relinquish myself to this beast of an individual and the legacy that was left behind is not me. I am terrified! The prospect of going on Sunday is really bothering me. I really, really want to avoid but how do I? I have to gain some consistency and just stick to my guns. I need to stop messing around and just stay consistent. But, I cannot; for whatever, reason, I cannot. I am terrified at the prospect of touching. When I sit down, I am stuck and I cannot run for cover when people want to come to me. I do know that I am not going to be making myself available and for whatever reason some might think of me, I must get toughened up again. This is just the pits!
What do I tell others? I do not know, but I know that I will have to think of something. This nightmare really got to me more than I would like to say.
I hate nightmares. It has just lingered. I hate lingering.
Pressing on. Pushing on. Lingering on?
No comments:
Post a Comment