I have to say that I am not a happy camper with the insomnia and the nightmares. For the past weekend's nightmare, I have been dealing with the same feelings and sleeplessness. I know that this was not real; however, the overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt are haunting me. I feel as though many are going to know, but in actuality, I am the only person that knows. The shame and guilt are so overwhelming. These emotions are very staggering. It is amazing at the amount of emotion that can be locked from such a long, long time ago. I get these emotions mixed up with anxiety and apprehension. This overwhelming feeling of shame is quite a bit to handle. I am hoping to be able to survive the weekend. I still have so much to do and I am so exhausted from these feelings.
I had hot flashes as well from the chemo and so this was not a good mix. I am needing to stand on a mountain and scream! I got up, walked around, prayed and cried. These feelings are not going to overtake me!
Pushing on. Pressing on. Sleeping on?
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